I have had a fever over 100°F since Thursday night or Friday morning. It has dropped only a tiny little bit, enough to allow me to sit up for a few minutes and share my brilliant vision with the world.
The thing is, since I have a fever, it's probably not all that brilliant, and I probably shouldn't share it. It's like when you get drunk once in your whole life at the office Christmas party and all that gets published about you in the company newsletter all that year is that one picture of you can-canning on the reception desk flashing your thong to accounting, only you have submitted that picture yourself 'cause you think you look hot in it. Dumb, right?
The problem is, I think this idea -- not the can-cancanning, I mean my special vision -- has the power to change the WORLD. So I'm going to float it out there anyway. It occurs to me every time I get in the bathtub and submerge myself in lovely, relaxing, hot water, or at least it has while I've had this fever. Here it is:
I think cars should be hot tubs. Hot tubs on wheels. I do.
Look, people are going to do stupid things while driving -- cell phoning, eating, putting on mascara, reading the paper, sending faxes, etc. Some people are truly stupid and do this kind of stuff all the time because, I suspect, they fundamentally believe that no lives could possibly matter as much as theirs, and besides, they are just super at multitasking. But all the rest of us are guilty sometimes too. We have all had that one minute where we just knew we'd be exempt from consequences -- pretty sure, anyway -- and anyway, it'll only be this once, surely our skills are good enough, it's just a little bitty cell phone, it can't be all that different from having someone in the car, yadayadayada. Right? Am I right?
So think for a minute. Think what a difference it would make if we all had the same big unifying distraction, and if our big distraction was the soothing relaxation of hot water and jets to our pressure points. Yeah, okay, we'd still be at grave risk of killing ourselves and each other, but we'd be so relaxed while doing it.
I've got to think that's better.
Cars should be hot tubs. Hot tubs on wheels.
Visionary? Ridiculous? Don't care right now. I've got a steaming mug of Sleepytime and a nice, clean comforter beguiling me hence.
I shall return when my brain is clearer.
I've got a lot to say!
I'm sure you can't wait.
There is a great comedy programme BBC Radio 4 called Genius, in which members of the public propose and argue for all sorts of weird ideas and each week one of them is judged as a Genius.
Here is the website:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio4/comedy/genius.shtml
If only you were over here, this would be perfect and you would undoubtly get to go on the show and be crowned Genius.
Posted by: The Goldfish | April 09, 2007 at 03:53 PM
Goldfish! You have The Vision!!! Clearly!
Since the program you have brought to my attention is on the radio not requiring a specific physical location in order to facilitate appearance, and since I don't see (without coffee in me or my glasses on) any prohibition regarding nation of residence, just a request for a phone number, I think I could apply. Sadly, my temperature is down to 99.5°F this morning, and as it has fallen, my fence of middle-aged, middle-class, suburban American inhibitions -- such as they are -- has risen. However, I am happy to appoint you as my worthy messenger! If you want to enter the idea yourself, feel free!
Remember it's not about others recognizing me, specifically, as a Genius; it's about improving THE WORLD.
HAHAHAHAHA HAHA HAHA
cough, cough
Posted by: Sara | April 10, 2007 at 08:41 AM
P. S. -- I absolutely love the idea of the breathalyzer cellphone "to stop you from making regrettable calls." Seems fitting to mention it here, somehow. ;)
Posted by: Sara | April 10, 2007 at 08:44 AM
You are wonderful, even when you have a fever and your brain is foggy. Get well, but keep the visions flowing! It's the secret of all art.
Posted by: patry | April 10, 2007 at 07:55 PM
Thank you, my friend. :) I hope to be back here running off at the fingertips again after another day or so of tea and naps.
And I've actually been thinking about how much of the world's art has been created by, about, and for fevered people. Starving people. Tubercular people. Syphilitic people. Sleepless people. Know what I mean?
I've been contemplating that the last couple of days while perched upon my pillow hill in the pleasant land of counterpane, besieged with ideas. Sort of inevitable, I suppose.
Posted by: Sara | April 10, 2007 at 08:30 PM
I seem to remember they did have at least one American on a previous series. Perhaps you could apply and ask for expenses? I mean, it is the BBC! ;-)
(Perhaps in other circumstances I would be extremely honoured to enter on your behalf, but alas I think I may have as much hope of making it to studio in London as you do...)
Posted by: The Goldfish | April 11, 2007 at 12:52 PM
Goldfish, I believe the guests on this particular show appear by telephone. (They can do that 'cause it's radio.)
I love radio. No hair or makeup.
Posted by: Sara | April 11, 2007 at 03:03 PM
Love the commuter hot tub idea. You could show up at work all shrivelly and sleepy. Hm. Maybe by the looks of some of my colleagues this already exists?
Which reminds me of being in commuter (after work) traffic in LA years ago (biz trip) and noticing that several cars we inched past were driven by drivers who were smoking joints.
Posted by: leslee | April 14, 2007 at 10:17 AM
You SEE? You SEE? If people are going to do THAT while driving, this really doesn't seem like all that much of a stretch!
Posted by: Sara | April 14, 2007 at 04:44 PM