In early July, my true love presented me with a surprise gift: a "Bling Kit." What, you may ask (especially if you haven't clicked the link), is that? This is what:
Yes, more cheap crap from China, this time comprising two sheets (one silver, one black) of plastic scrollwork and gothic letter stickers, and dozens of sticky-backed rhinestones in five colors, including some in preset shapes, all for just $9.99. My true love was being naughty with his money at a computer game store, saw this product -- which was designed especially for people to use embellishing their gaming consoles -- and thought of me, even though I don't game.
The day he gave it to me, I was terribly busy trying to finish some commissions for my Etsy shop, so I said, "Thank you," put it aside, and went back to what I was doing. My true love was perplexed. He thought I didn't like it, and this surprised him because, you know, sticky-backed rhinestones? And me a person who must never, never, never own a Bedazzler? And then me not being interested in this? Yeah, what gives?
But truly, I was just busy. The Time of the Bling came soon enough.
One morning I awoke early -- hours earlier than my true love, anyway -- as is my wont. I had finished all my projects. I picked up the happy, happy box of Bling my true love had so kindly purchased for me. I opened it and pondered what to do with it.
Well, my computer was right there. I thought the shiny, black, plastic drive slots could use a little silver.
Then there was my monitor. For the first time, I regarded the used DeCordova admittance sticker from another day and the little fisheye stick-on mirror I use to primp and to avoid being snuck up upon as lonely and unbalanced. A red rhinestone stick-on star would help, as would some black scrollwork, and maybe a few more red rhinestones on top of that.
Okay, very nice, but enough. What else could use some decoration? What else?
You know, our telephone set came with three different handsets which all look exactly alike. Being middle aged and increasingly senile, I am not above answering the phone in my studio, taking it with me into another room, hanging up in that room, and then having no idea which phone I should take back to my studio. I thought maybe I could just put a little something on my studio handset to distinguish it from the others.
Maybe I got a little carried away.
Just a little, though, right? I mean, I wanted to be able to recognize it from all angles.
Yeah, mission accomplished.
My true love awoke, and came into my studio. Like a five-year-old who's just learned to paint a tree, I proudly showed off my handiwork. He expressed dismay! He never thought I'd use his gift in such a way, to -cough- decorate something he kind of thought was perfect out of the box, but I explained about the suffering my absent-mindedness was causing me and he began to see the merit of my actions. He was still confused about my choices though.
"Why? What did you think I would do with this?"
"I thought you would use it on your leg."
"OH. My LEG. OH!"
"Yeah, you're always talking about how one day you're going to 'pimp it out.' I thought this would help."
"I can't believe I never even THOUGHT of that. What a great idea! Thank you, honey!"
I got busy. First, I thought the shiny, black, carbon fiber bits could use some silver. I put some on the front.
I put some on each side, the larger of a pair of otherwise identical stickers on the outside, the smaller on the inside.
After that, it's possible that I may have gotten carried away, but -- damn! Looks good, right?
Check it out close up!
Ow! Smokin'! You know, if I do say so myself. (It's not like I made any of this from scratch, you know.)
Now, none of this is quite what I've had in mind all this time, and I really had no idea how long it would stay on, or even if it would stay on. But it thoroughly delighted me to play around with it, and then I just went about my business as usual.
July 4 arrived, and we got on our cycles and headed over to the park for the annual Town Picnic, just to see what it was. When I got home, my leg looked like this:
Well, pooh! I didn't think the blinginess would last forever or anything, but I did think the adhesive was good enough to hold for more than a couple of days. I also thought it was odd how just those specific rhinestones had fallen off, all in a line. But then the next time I got on my trike, I noticed that if I let my leg relax at all while I was pedaling, the unused right pedal would come up, scrape the back of my prosthetic, and thus clean off whatever might otherwise adhere in just that space. Mystery solved, disappointment explained and thus assuaged.
My sister came to visit this weekend for the first time in five years. There is nothing to buy in Concord that she cannot buy in Northern California except the odd cheesy tourist item, and she has had her fill of those by now, so the best way for me to entertain her was outdoors. On the river. In a canoe. (Oh, shucks. Might as well toss me in a briar patch.)
My plan had been to wear my new L. L. Bean mary janes so that I could report how well they function as boat shoes. However, one thing I had already discovered wearing them in rain was that water comes up through the purposely perforated soles but then doesn't exactly wick away immediately and doesn't fully drain. It takes a good 12 hours minimum of not wearing the shoes for them to dry out after stepping in so much as a single puddle . And Saturday, it rained briefly, in little spurts throughout the day, but certainly enough to form deep puddles quickly, so I decided to wear my rubber boots instead.
I didn't think about the state of bling on my leg until I took off the boots that night. At that time, a sad sight greeted my eyes:
Not tragic, no, but I do wonder what this says in Morse Code. Does it telegraph "is" to people, as in "I is still here," as though I am a giant LOLCat? Or does it say "si," when I might really mean "no"? Is this going to be a problem?
I'm not too worried. However, I present this somewhat sad and silly tale that others may learn from my experience. Clearly, stick-on rhinestones of the sort provided in a $9.99 Universal Bling Kit are not a long-term pimping solution for the active amputee, and thus whatever messages I am or am not telegraphing will probably not have many more opportunities to be read before they fall off my carbon fiber billboard forever.
The silver stickers, though, are holding on pretty well. Maybe I'll replace the rhinestones with barbed wire.
I wonder what message that will telegraph.
OK, I *love* the phone. Have those rhinestones made it or have they met the same fate as many from your leg?
Speaking of which, I really enjoyed the design on your leg. It was bad ass yet princessy, kind of like all of us girls deep down.
Are those the LL Bean sneakers? I just got a catalog from them, and I'm really enjoying the shoes, just like you said I would. Haven't ordered any, but they sure are purty.
Oh, and your true love is too cute for thinking of the bling :)
Posted by: sognatrice | August 04, 2007 at 09:48 AM
"bad ass yet princessy"
hee hee hee
Yes, the 19-year-old nice Jewish girl turned punk rock wannabe art student from 1982 who still lives inside of me was very pleased -- and wants to buy more rhinestones. Immediately. But next time I'll try them with some serious glue.
The phone application is holding up perfectly well, but this is not surprising. The kind of thing that happens to my house phone handset is more in line with the Bling Kit manufacturer expectations -- you know, no devil-may-care outside adventuring. I don't know how well they would work on a cell phone, but there are kits you can buy just for cell phones which may have stronger adhesive.
Yes, those are the summer sneakers. I love them, love them, love them, but I also get athlete's foot. This is not the shoes' fault, and there's a reason I mention it. See, before and after canoeing, my sister and I walked all over town. Since I have to take off my leg -- and my pants -- to change shoes, I tend to like to just pick something and wear it all day. Walking around for hours in a wet shoe on my fake foot, who cares? Walking around for hours in a wet shoe on my living foot, though, could result in all kinds of nasty effects.
The summer sneakers are deliciously lightweight and ventilated, and if you are going to spend a day with your feet in and out of water the whole time, tidepooling for example or boating but not walking around on sidewalks and hiking paths with squelchy, steaming toes, I still think they're a perfectly good choice. And they are excellent walking shoes for dry conditions, too, especially hot and dry.
And my true love is totally cute. And it should by now be obvious why I call him my true love. :)
Posted by: Sara | August 04, 2007 at 11:56 AM
I like the monitor and the computer but the phone was like....wow, barbie time. I definately like the bling'd leg, cause I think temp tattoos are hot (like sexy) - yes, use the barbed wire!
Posted by: elizabeth | August 04, 2007 at 03:16 PM
"the phone was like....wow, barbie time"
I can see that. I think it's the pink. I love pink when it's not being used exploitatively, though, and I love sparkly things and calligraphic flourishes and gothic lettering, so in the face of sheets and sheets of them, tasteful restraint quickly got left in the dust. (insert sheepish blush here)
Still, my inner baby punk wannabe is quite thrilled with this, too. Tickled pink, perhaps. (Learn about pink goth here.)
Incidentally, I think these silver stickers or some similar concept executed in silver acrylic paint could also look extremely sharp -- and yes, hot, and definitely bad-ass -- on a black wheelchair. Just sayin'... :)
Posted by: Sara | August 04, 2007 at 03:37 PM
Okay, listened and have the pink reference; which is true since doing a grunge stepford can be edgy and liberating, or pink goth lolita...at the gym. I do have the problem they note, dressing time since my knee high steel blue boots take about 35 minutes or more themselves.
I wondered if I had been too quick to see the "barbie" in the phone so I showed her the pictures and asked what she first thought of. "A vibrator..." she said. I can't see it, but it might be from our problems of last week re: Canada Customs - or just the way she sees the world.
I like the idea of tricking my chair, except that would mean I would have to be "handy", something always a bit dubious for a femme as I have a deep seated fear once I show some competance at some project the next thing Linda will be wanting me to power sand and rehang doors (it is a long standing joke/issue that we somehow ended up in a lesbian relationship without a decent butch between us).
Posted by: elizabeth | August 04, 2007 at 09:29 PM
hahahahaha -- Maybe it's a Rorshach telephone.
As for the wheelchair, I was thinking more artsy/crafty less machine-shop -- though I can see you in something that has been reimagined by one of those people who make custom "chopper" style motorcycles. Can't imagine how much that would cost, though, and that runs back into the whole trust fund issue.
Meanwhile, there are vinyl stickers. :)
Posted by: Sara | August 05, 2007 at 09:16 AM
Love the leg, all blinged up! Very rockin'. Nothing says you can't keep pimping it out, right?
Posted by: Librarian Girl | August 05, 2007 at 04:16 PM
Damn straight, LG! Let them try to stop me. Just let them try.
(Bear in mind that I have no idea whom I mean by "them." It's not like I have legions of anti-sparkly fanatics to fend off. And thank goodness for that, eh?)
Posted by: Sara | August 05, 2007 at 05:22 PM
More cowbell!
Oh, and everybody needs some glow-in-the-dark. Or maybe flames?
Posted by: Ron Sullivan | August 07, 2007 at 12:48 PM
My prosthetist has flames. I don't want to copy him. :)
Oh, and it's funny you should mention glowing in the dark. I actually bought some glow-in-the-dark paint, but it scratched off too easily.
Posted by: Sara | August 07, 2007 at 12:55 PM
Oh, btw, how's the Kickers change jar coming along? Filling up nicely? (lol)
Posted by: Christopher Bell | August 07, 2007 at 03:22 PM
Oh, that's a very sad and empty jar, Christopher. There are just so many groovy things to deflect cash out of that fund. So many.
On the upside, I think I have healthcare coverage, at least within the borders of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. I'm not 100% sure it went through, but I will be blogging more about that as the story unfolds.
Posted by: Sara | August 08, 2007 at 08:41 AM
Why didn't the first part of my comment appear- the bit where I said about being a motor racing enthusuast meant that I thought that carbon fibre is cool?
I said that, once it's go silver gothy symbols on it, it actually becomes bizarrely sexy. Hmmm, that sounded really creepy, sorry.
I'm really pleased to hear that the healthcare cover seems to be OK, though. Please do keep us posted.
Posted by: Christopher Bell | August 08, 2007 at 10:58 AM
Christopher, I have no idea where that went. It never even came over the server as far as I can tell.
Vagaries of the internet...
Posted by: Sara | August 08, 2007 at 12:21 PM
Love the leg. I do not think I would be able to speak coherently into that sparkly girly phone.
Posted by: Kay | August 10, 2007 at 06:59 PM
hee hee hee
I don't think I ever speak coherently on the phone. I completely loathe the telephone and avoid it almost religiously. I am Queen of Screening.
Hmmmm... Perhaps this is part of what prompted me to transform this otherwise functional tool into a frivolous decorative object.
Hmmm...
Posted by: Sara | August 10, 2007 at 07:16 PM
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by: alphabitch | August 16, 2007 at 07:05 PM
I am going to a wedding in SoCal in September, so I bought some Swarovski rhinestones to replace the cheap stick-on ones.
Good thing I don't have a puppy, eh Alphabitch?
Posted by: Sara | August 27, 2007 at 08:03 AM
I love the bling! Good to see you are putting your crative talents to good use. Bob
Posted by: Bob Emerson | August 28, 2007 at 12:47 AM
BOB!!! I am so freakin' happy to see you here! As you can see, I think of you often. Yes, still. Kind of hard not to, since I'm still lurching around on the same thing you made me three years ago. ;)
I can't thank you enough, and hope the new venture is going well. Cheers!
Posted by: Sara | August 28, 2007 at 07:23 AM
LOL love your pimped out leg! I must show it to my sister who has a cast I pimped out for her, I so enjoyed reading your blog thanks for sharing!
Posted by: Aileen | October 26, 2007 at 11:48 AM
Thanks, Aileen! I saw the cast over at Penny's place this morning and thought it was lovely. Well done!
Bob, my prosthetist who commented above, has fabric printed with flames like you see painted on hot rods laminated into one of his suction sockets. :)
Posted by: Sara | October 26, 2007 at 12:06 PM