The Ideal War

I always want to tell people who feel that there is such a thing as an acceptable wartime loss, an acceptable amount of "collateral damage," just one thing:

You first.

Sometimes I imagine the ideal war.  In my ideal war, two knee-jerk dogmatist, megalomaniac politicians and/or religious leaders of wealth, power, and privilege either earned, stolen or inherited face each other.  One of them insults the other's banking practices, family connections, and golf game.  The other retorts in kind and adds something about the superiority of his own religion.  It is clear a fight is brewing, and that the outcome will determine who gets to Rule the World!

One megalomaniac then turns the conflict into a full-blown war -- by blowing up his own house.

The second megalomaniac retorts, "Oh, yeah?" and then blows up HIS own house -- and chops off one of his own arms.

The first megalomaniac screams "Die you filthy blot on the face of humanity!" or some such equally fine rhetoric, chops off his own arm -- and then drives a bayonet into his own belly.

Not to be outdone, the second megalomaniac makes remarks about the innate inferiority of the first megalomaniac's sexual practices, culture, and mother.  Then he drives a bayonet into his own belly and chops off his own leg.

And so it goes, until one of them dies or begs the other to stop.

Whoever "wins," whoever is left alive, gets to Rule the World!

And in that event, I'll bet a lot of things would be different than they are today, things like health care coverage and the number of wheelchair-accessible buildings and public facilities.  But I'm probably just fantasizing.

Comments

[kathy a.]

what a fabulous take on "do unto others"!

i always thought the best leaders [or bosses] were the ones who wouldn't ask people to do things they were unwilling to do themselves -- the kind of folks who get their hands dirty, put in time at the xerox machine, pull late-night shifts, help lug the boxes, handle the tedious or messy or draining jobs alongside everyone else. the ones who appreciate folks who have skills they do not have, and who face challenges they do not. who listen, think, engage in discussions instead of pronouncing edicts. in other words, not megalomaniacs.

[jen of a2eatwrite]

I'd bet you're right. You're probably too young, but there was a wonderful commercial in either the late 60s or early 70s that I remember watching as a child - it was against the Viet Nam war, and it was two, middle-aged men slugging it out in suits, instead of our having war. What if it was settled this way? What if the world leaders had to actually put themselves in danger? I still remember that commercial.

[Sara]

Sorry it took me so long to get back to this.

Kathy A.: I hear an awful lot of would-be leaders in all walks of life say to their underlings, "I'm not asking you to do anything I wouldn't do myself." I always automatically think, "Fine then. You go right ahead."

There is a big difference between a motivational speaker and a real leader. A real leader is the sort of person you've described, someone who knows s/he's still a team member no matter what. A leader I would not necessarily follow but at least would also not ridicule immediately also knows that there are better paths in every direction than any that require the slaughter of children, and that no one should be asked to do that. I have no way of respecting anyone who believes otherwise, and I don't just mean abstractly.

I'm sure if you asked George Bush directly he would tell you that of course he doesn't approve of slaughtering children. However, by his actions and the actions he's ordered other people to take, it seems he doesn't completely disapprove of it, either.

Jen: Hmmm...I wonder if I saw that ad as a kid and was influenced by it. Entirely possible, in spite of my parents' best efforts. ;)