No promises.

Well, it's that time of year again, time to contemplate whether or not to once more enter the vortex of madness that is National Blog Posting Month (NaBloPoMo).  I realize that I'm starting late, that this year some extra-crazy people have endeavored to make every month National Blog Posting Month.  There've been assigned themes and everything.

I'm so not doing that.

I'm not a slave to tradition.  I do love doing this -- or trying to do this -- specifically in November.  NaBloPoMo is, in case you didn't already know, kind of a spin-off on NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month), an arguably even crazier endeavor in which many people -- more than you'd think, and yes me, too, once -- try to write an entire novel during the month of November.  One of the points of putting that exercise in November, according to the founders, according to my best memory, is that writers are big on procrastinating and making excuses, so even though many people's calendars are thoroughly clogged by elaborate family obligations in November, that can all either be just another excuse or it can be an opportunity for us to prove to ourselves that we are serious.

I failed at NaNoWriMo the one time I tried it, mostly because I really didn't have anything to put down but a rough concept and a hundred other people's stories.  I have not yet failed at NaBloPoMo, and this might be the year I do fail at it, but I've decided to commit to at least trying one more time anyway.

I've been so sick and so tired, and no I don't care to discuss it in any more detail than I may volunteer at any given moment.  More importantly, when I tell you this, you must understand that I am not whining.  It bears repeating that I am still the luckiest woman alive.  Not so many sick people in the world have it as easy as I do for now.  Not so many unemployed people too sick and tired to work a paying job reliably are embraced snugly in a cozy blanket of other people's love and sacrifice.

When I mention how sick or tired I feel or have felt, you must understand that I am just stating my state.  It's not to evoke a reaction.  I don't need to be cooed over or bucked up.  I usually mention it because there's something else I want to tell you, and I just think you need this information in order to understand everything else I'm trying to tell you, for example, how it can be wondrous to have a perfectly bland, ordinary meal in a store cafeteria.

Honestly, my state right now is one of personal failure on almost every level.

I hear you.  I hear you (those of you not thinking you wish I'd quite whining, that is) reflexively thinking, "Oh, poor baby.  You can't help it; you're sick."  Well, maybe.  What is true is that next month I may be better or worse for more or fewer days at a time, and no one can predict this, and there is not a thing anyone can do for me medically at this time that will change that.

What I can try to do for myself, what I can always at least try to do for myself and what NaBloPoMo has helped me do for myself before, is exercise.  This silly, trivial pursuit, a month of daily blogging practice, somehow has had the power to help revive me emotionally and mentally before; why not see if it can do so again?  What have I got to lose but myself?

You can see how this would put me in a Cartesian kind of mood.

   

Or maybe you can't.  Allow me to explain.

I suck at geometry; it's true.  And I don't believe in god(s).  And I didn't have time to read all the class assignments when I was at UCLA.  So honestly, there isn't a lot about Descartes that I either feel or understand.  However, I do remember from the history of science class that I took during my second semester our professor telling us that Descartes was a habitual late riser, someone who breakfasted in bed and worked while he did so until past noon every day.  Apocryphal or no, I have no idea.  But that little factoid created and has since held a warm spot in my heart for Descartes.  As you might imagine, it particularly resonates with me now.

I also love the expression "Cogito ergo sum" ("I think therefore I am").  I love its simple arrogance, the absolute certainty that something like this can be so just because we say so.  Actually I love it as much as I love the sharply contrasting myth of Vishnu dreaming us all while having a nice long nap with a lotus in his belly at the bottom of some lake.

But I digress.

I made the above graphics by thieving copies of presumably public domain art around the internet.  The image on the left shows Rene Descartes not in bed but still managing to scrawl out some of his daily output in some nice looking threads and a well-appointed room.  The image on the right is taken from Descartes' Essai sur l'homme.  I never read the Essai sur l'homme and probably won't get around to it any time soon, so I have no idea what this illustration means -- and thus felt free to crop it beyond all sense or logic just to make a cool graphic.  (Don't you hate it when designers do stuff like that?  I do, too.  See above notes re personal failure for an indication where my rationalization for this act would go if I could be bothered to make one.)

Obviously the logo on each graphic, "Bloggo Ergo Sum," is a joke (maybe) meant to translate as "I blog therefore I am." I'm wondering how true that is going to prove to be for me this year.

Naturally, I also mean to share these images freely with any NaBloPoMo participant who might wish to use either instead of one of the far more chic, less nerdy official offerings created by Mrs. Kennedy.  Copy them, use them, edit them and then use them, whatever.  Go hog wild.

Getting back to me, though -- ah, me -- yes, I'm going to try this, but I make no guarantees.  I don't guarantee that I Will Succeed.  I do not guarantee the victory of courage or determination over sloth.  Likewise I make no promises about the quality of whatever content I may offer.  Perhaps you will be treated to thirty consecutive, captionless pictures of Sam the cat and/or different vegetables that I like and happen to have on hand.  I don't know.  We will see.  Or I will see.  (I don't have high expectations of being able to hold an audience in thrall.)

And at the end, I will be more or less myself.

Comments

[Kay Olson]

Ohh-kay! Yeaaay!

What is it about NaBloPoMo that invigorates? I cannot figure it out. I was a one-time failure at NaNoWriMo too.

I am so looking forward to this. Even if you just posted emoticons each day, I'd be amused -- far beyond reason, really.

A little Descartes humor.

[Sara]

Ah, yes, I love that cartoon, and it's so very appropriate here on so many levels. Thank you.

It may come down to daily emoticons. It just may. Stay tuned.

I'm just excited you're going to be participating again this year. :)

[laurie]

Okey dokey. Message received. ;-) and heard. And I am totally stealing a badge.

[Sara]

Oh, yay! I'm so glad you will be playing, too! :)

[John]

I'm sure yourself will be adequately enthralling.
Even if thats pictures of Sam or your various vegetables or pies.
*
Heres a picture of my cat.
I am very fond of my cat, she's semi feral, she was born in an old car in my garden about twenty years ago. For her early life she would only come indoors to eat, or if it was really cold outside, but after she had kittens she spent more time indoors but her disposition was still basically un-aproachable. She did not like to be touched. At all. By anyone. After a long time i found i could stroke her a little while she was eating, but only for a couple of strokes, if i persisted she would leave hissing and in a huff. After a long time she became more accustomed to me and did not mind being touched and stroked so much. Now that its pretty cold outside, she comes indoors much more and will allow me to brush her some. She is getting on a bit now but she is still a good mouser. She used to be very wary of people, and still is to an extent, which gave her the name 'Paranoid' shes not so nervous of people now, so i just call her Para. Shes fluffy, mostly white with a black tail and ears,
and i think shes very pretty.
*
Paranoid.jpg
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For every comment that gets left, there are probably hundreds or more visits that leave no comment.
You blog, therefore you exist, and touch many.

John :)

[Sara]

Hee -- cute kitty.

Para is a poofkele, fyi. :)

Also, I like the idea of being "adequately enthralling." Don't want to go overboard or anything. Might strain something. ;)

[Rebecca Clayton]

I love your badges, and have stolen one from the NaBloPoMo site. I'm really enjoying reading your blog--how is it I've not found you sooner?

Back to reading your earlier posts, lest I put Descartes before the horse.

[Sara]

hahahahaha

Glad you like the badges. And if it's any consolation, I don't think I've ever heard of you 'til now, either. (Big blogosphere, really really big.) Thank you so much for popping in and introducing yourself. I look forward to checking out your space in turn. :)