OMG, what was that stuff? (Heh -- wouldn't you like to know?)

Before I say another word, let me just take a moment to humbly and sincerely thank each and every person who submitted an entry in my Third Annual NaBloPoMo Midway Contest.  You are all very, very creative, talented, amusing and/or charming, and possessed of unusual powers of attraction and persuasion.  Yes, all of you.

Please remember I said that.

To refresh your memory and also clue in people just tuning in at home, the question posed to contestants was, "OMG! What Is That Stuff?"  And here was the stuff.  (Click to enlarge.)

The answer?  Ah.  Well.  That stuff was (and still is, actually) this stuff:

Yep, it's Mount Hagen brand decaffeinated, organically grown, freeze dried, instant coffee.  To photograph a sample for the purpose of this contest, I poured an unknown quantity -- probably less than five tablespoons -- into one of the slightly larger than palm-sized white porcelain prep dishes I use to pulverize Sam's daily quarter of a Paxil caplet with a big soup spoon, and then shot it digitally with a flash, and then cropped it to remove all sense of scale.  (And yes, this is one of those times when I hope the dishwasher really is as good as I think it is, because I did pour the sample back into the bottle, and I am going to make that coffee pecan bundt cake again soon.)

Here are some things I believe it is not:

• edible by cats or dogs (unless you hate them)
• kitty litter (unless you hate yourself)
• gravel
• previously used (though I guess it is now)
  
• leftover brown charcoal pastel pieces (as submitted by e-mail)
  
• suitable for use as anything other than a flavoring, a beverage base, an emergency food supplement for acid-loving plants only, or an artistic medium
• available at farmer's markets anywhere

The largest piece I can see in the jar is no more than 6mm in any given dimension.

By now you have guessed the sad truth.  Not one of our lovely contestants answered correctly.

It could be argued that the lovely and talented (and optimistic, since she STILL hasn't gotten her prize from 2006) Bethieee came closest with her guess of "a pile of chipped chocolate eagerly awaiting its turn to be baked into something yummy."  It is an edible (by humans) substance, and it certainly is awaiting its turn to be baked into something yummy, specifically the next incarnation of that bundt cake.  But absolutely none of you, not even she, had a score above 0.

So, who wins?

Without meaning to cause offense to others who bothered to enter, I think we can all agree that, in the end, there were really only two contestants with entries worthy of special notice, the aforementioned lovely and talented (and optimistic, and patient) Bethieee with that good solid 0, and the lovely and talented Scriptor Senex, who had a score of -2½, but who clearly made the greatest effort to be amusing, and who should also be applauded for taking the greatest risk by offering the largest pile of details, however ridiculous.

So here is the decision of the Official Contest Judge (me).

The winner is...

Bethieee!  Again!  Amazing!  Mazeltov!  (Toot horn and throw confetti here.)

Bethieee, if you send me your current mailing address at my e-mail address (sara at saraarts dot com), I shall very happily spend an afternoon this month putting together your prize, a Super Special Surprise Souvenir Pack with contents hand selected by me just for you!  Wheee!

However, because of extraordinary effort and bravery, I'm also going to award ten house points to Gryffindor, as it were.  Therefore, dear, amusing Scriptor Senex, if you will also be so kind as to drop me an e-mail at the above-noted address, I shall be very pleased to send you a lesser but hopefully still fun Super Secret Runner Up Prize.

Huzzah!

Again, I want to sincerely thank everyone who played this year, and I hope to see you all here again next year.  Now go enjoy your Saturday night like the rock stars you are.

Comments

[Amorette]

If your dishwasher -isn't- as effective as you believe it to be, that's going to be the most oddly satisfying bundt cake ever.

[Sara]

Mmmm...secret ingredients...wheeeeee! ;)

At this rate, I doubt very much that my alterations of this recipe will ever make it into the official Bundt Cookbook.

[kathy a.]

all i could think of was "some really awful organic dog kibble," but i knew that wasn't right.

[Sara]

Now, see, if you'd posted that as an entry, you would have tied with Bethieee and forced me to draw names from a bowl. Organic = 1, not kibble = -1, not for dogs = -1, but really awful if you fed it to a dog, and possibly really awful to drink depending on individual taste = +1; added together = 0. So, see, you might have won. If you'd entered, turns out you'd have had a 50% chance.

No guts, no glory, my friend. ;) And that's why Scriptor Senex deserves a prize, even though he lost, really lost, with a humiliatingly awful score. (Sorry, SS; no offense.)

[Kay Olson]

I screwed up on entering your contest -- was trying to think of something clever and failed to return in time.

But I'm relieved. I was afraid it might be something scary -- Soylent Greenish. You never know what delicacies lurk in Whole Foods.

[Sara]

Kay, as I recall Soylent Green is kept in the same aisle endcap with the fake meats. I think it has to be kept refrigerated, in spite of manufacturer's claims to the contrary.